Is not my friend most of the time, at least not until I warm up to it… Tonight Toby and I were talking about how awesome it would be to live more simply… No debt, living within our means, saving money, finishing school… Even to the point of selling almost everything we own and moving out of the state to someplace less expensive… We prayed about it and now I feel like it is out there… Out of our hands, out of our control… Totally in God’s… That is scary to me… I know it shouldn’t be, but I don’t like to give up control, I am human after all… It is something I struggle with daily… Even putting things in my husband’s hands and out of mine scares me… We talked about starting slowly by selling my car (our payment is pretty out of control thanks to Toby’s meddling grandfather)… I am wondering if his brother will sell my Civic back to me for the cost of what he has put into it (not much like maybe $400)… His parents bought it from my parents (technically) for $500 for him but since he is going to Europe in December to be with his fiance I am hoping he will think of me before selling it to someone else… If we do decide to do that we need to talk to him soon though… I think I can handle that… Downgrading back to my old car… I didn’t love it, but it is just a car… It will get me from point A to point B… And it has been taken good care of, well, except for when I had it :)… Toby and I have a bad habit of starting deep thoughtful discussions at bedtime and my mind starts going on them and I can’t sleep… Like now… My head is full of “What if’s” as my mom likes to call them… I can’t seem to shut it off, so I figured jotting down some of my anxieties here would aleviate them… So far, not so good…

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